I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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