it hurts more in the daytime
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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