just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
