my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize