Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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