She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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