Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
