I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
