that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just had sex bonerless
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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