i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
