I think i peed on brittanys purse
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
