i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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