This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's just like the Real World with babies
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
