smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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