Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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