Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
