Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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