Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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