I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
