Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
