Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
