I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
