a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
