between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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