if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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