She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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