is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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