I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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