I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
