its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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