better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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