There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
