Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
