I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
