i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
