using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You took a bar mat shot.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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