Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
is it fun? or sober?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
