I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
