tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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