I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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