hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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