I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
