Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
