and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the day after is always just damage control
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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