One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
