I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
