I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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