I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
