you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize