i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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