You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
