I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
