just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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