you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
