I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
they're like a gay fantastic four
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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