My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
