I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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