Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
