Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
