he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
