Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize