this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
