Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
