did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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