What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
