sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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