If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
