Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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