You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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