I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
