I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
