Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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