Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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