LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The best revenge is premature balding
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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