I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize