I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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