Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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