I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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