so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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