Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize