You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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