Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
