Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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