I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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