Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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