i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
