FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
