Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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