What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
